Being Mommy

My son had his Taekwondo promotion test today and as part of his promotion, he had to break a board with a kick. He was naturally nervous and to be honest, so was I. I was also running on a few hours of sleep but I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. Headache and emotional turmoil be damned. It was all worth it. The look on his face when he broke that board with one kick was priceless! He literally glowed and I was so scared that his smile would break his face.

My other son and I spend quiet times in bed. He’s playing his game on either his phone or NintendoDS and he throws his leg over mine while I quietly type away on my laptop. He constantly peppers me with air kisses and “I love yous” that I greedily take and absorb as they are my drug of choice. He also recently won an award from his basketball clinic.

My daughter has not stopped doodling since she was able to control a crayon. This summer, she enrolled in a basic animation class and she has been so consumed by it that the notebooks that we bought that were gathering dust in a corner of her room are now filled with doodles and drawings of different characters that she has imagined and conceptualized. I love how she secretly doodles on my own notebooks, giving me a pleasant surprise when I turn a page and see a drawing or joke from her there. She does have an intelligent sense of humor.

These are the things that I don’t want to miss for anything in the world – the first day of school, the first time for anything, the important milestones. I often feel that I’ve already missed so much and that completely fills me with guilt.These are the trappings of a single working mom – torn between trying to make a living to support the three lives that depend on you and being there for them when they need you and even when they don’t. I can’t imagine how my mom did it for me and I’m not exactly as well behaved as my kids are, admittedly. The most amazing thing is that she is still doing it for me – mothering and supporting and guiding me.

I don’t claim any prizes for parenting. I’m far from perfect and I always have that thought that I’m somehow screwing my kids up but I guess every parent has that fear. However, I will always put my kids and my family first. There’s no contest to that.

Not everyone is built to be a parent and I respect those who make the choice of being childless. I’m not asking for any consideration or demands to make way for my parental choices. That’s my choice. I choose to put my kids and family first and I make my bed each time I make that decision. It may not make some people happy and most won’t understand (though they say they do) but I don’t give a rat’s ass because as far as my kids are concerned, they are and will always be top choice. I’ve met and worked with some people who thought differently of me when I made that choice over them or work. That doesn’t bother me at all and if they can’t understand it, it is not my job to make them understand it. My job is to be a good mother – that’s it.

So… that being said, Mother’s day is on Sunday and I don’t need to celebrate it. Why? Because everyday is mother’s day in my home. I celebrate my mother and all the hard work and sacrifices she has done. I celebrate my yaya who is a mom herself and the love she gives to my kids every day. I celebrate my being a mother and the effort I put in for my kids.

This is my mother’s day.

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